I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
