farters have to be the big spoon...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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