capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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