Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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