Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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