I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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