Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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