thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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