i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
