Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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