Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
two words...techno handjob
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
