She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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