Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
organizing the empties. That sober.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
