I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
