I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
