so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
