If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
