I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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