Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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