I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She needs sedatives and a leash
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
