Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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