You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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