fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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