If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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