Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
