And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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