im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
