Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
