just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
