i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
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