matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
