dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
