Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
