My boss' voice literally gives me gas
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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