I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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