69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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