I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
