My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
