He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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