I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
