I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
