I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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