If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
