omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
