I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
