ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
