THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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