I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
