They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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