So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
