So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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